Ikoro Iyineleda
5 min readSep 7, 2023

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All because it was obvious that I would most probably be accepted by the University of East Anglia — one of the foremost universities in the United Kingdom — as a Master of Business Administration student in its 2024/2025 session, the two major churches in Alegongo-Akobo, including the Alegongo-Akobo branch of the Living Faith Church Worldwide (otherwise known as the Winners Chapel) and another church whose name I am yet to obtain, along with the entire neighbourhood of Alegongo-Akobo, began to raise the most terrible uproar all across the neighbourhood — urging male homosexuals to keep on raping me in my sleep until I become HIV-positive (and all of men, women, and children had been raping me in my sleep for months before then), bragging that they would even wage a war against Chief Bode Amao (a certain relative of mine, and a powerful chieftain in Ibadan, who happened to have been shouldering the responsibility for protecting me from their ill, for years now) if he persisted in striving to protect me from their evil, and they (most especially the Winners Chapel) even began to detail with public address systems conversation after conversation with which they were trying to win the university over into not accepting me.

The terrible noise whilst all these was going on was tremendous. It was as though they all were steeling themselves to do that which all Nigeria (most especially the South West) has been preparing to do for over two decades, which is to lynch me.

For those who believe that to be lynched is too wicked an action for even the evil people of Ibadanland to carry out, one has to remember Eddie Adupeyi, who was lynched all because I was being charitable to him; and my father, Chief/Professor Akinade Olumuyiwa Sanda, who was murdered by the medical personnel of the University College Hospital of Ibadan; and almost literally speaking all the pets I’ve ever had — including two cats that were starved to death whilst my relatives had me incarcerated in a hospital on the basis of my having a nervous breakdown, two other cats that were also cunningly murdered, a German Shepherd puppy that was killed mercilessly by the only vet I could get for its illness in Ibadan, and almost literally all the dogs I’ve ever had except for one lone bitch.

Ibadan is a terribly evil land, reputed only for believing in its evil, and having nothing to do with the righteous. Thus, the only Christian king that the land has ever had (Oba Sir Isaac Babalola Akinyele, KBE) is reputed to have had a running battle with the evil that is the land until the day that he died. Thus, I (the first son of the Baale of Alegongo-Akobo) have had also to contend in the land with evil a myriad of times more wicked than that which Oba Akinyele faced whilst he was alive.

And Alegongo-Akobo is one of the most evil of this wickedly evil Ibadanland. That a church in the neighbourhood could come out to brag of its not being a church but an Ogboni gathering! That both a church (the neighbourhood’s branch of the Winners Chapel) and a night-club can for almost a decade if not more be monitoring openly with public address systems the MIND of a man!

Meanwhile, obviously because he was pulled into the Ogboni occult of my mother, by my mother (who has along with my sister been cheering in the astral; as dirty and slobbering literates and illiterates rape me on a daily basis, while I sleep) the psychiatrist that my mother has been imposing upon me — Dr Okunade, of the Adeoyo Teaching Hospital — proved to me today that he is either with those that have been raping me for over a month now, or of these rapists, or both; with the stench of the cream they leave behind after the rape, which I discover my groin stinking of when I awake in the morning — and which this psychiatrist produced with the words, “Now you see I’m one of the rapists;” when I went for my regular check-up at his private clinic, this morning.

When I went to Dr Okunade to complain of the fact that so many of both literate and illiterate were “throwing" farts at me (such that they would fart in the neighbouring house, or fifty feet away; and I would be engulfed in my room with the stench of the fart) all he did was claim that I was having nasal delusions — or something like that, with which he would I believe that the stench of the farts was in my mind — and prescribe Carzepin for me.

When I complained to his hospital’s counselor of those (most especially neighbours; and especially the house-boys of Professor Ilori, who built a house next door) that were plundering of me my property, all she did was prescribe bed-rest — to ascertain, according to her, that I was actually using my drugs.

Now, Dr Okunade is indeed coming out, to let me know he is of the adversary. Just like so many have been coming out ever since the “fart epidemic" began. My sister? My mother, I have always been certain of. Nihinlola Sanda, my father’s second wife, I have always been certain of. Her last born, Adebayo Sanda (more popularly known as Bidemi) I have always been certain of.

Who do I have in the land of Ibadan — apart from most probably powerful but distant relatives like the Amaos; that I obviously do not disgrace, that I however rarely ever get to see? Most especially if the entire neighbourhood of Alegongo-Akobo can explode into a furious uproar of outbursts, all because they saw that the University of East Anglia will most probably grant me admission into its school? Who do I have in the entirety of Nigeria, if both literate and illiterate can make my life (for over two decades now!) not only a reality television entertainment show but a laughing-stock also, not only on radio and television stations but throughout the entirety of Ibadan — most especially of that damned and accursed neighbourhood known as Alegongo?

— Ikoro Iyineleda; Thursday, 7th of September, 2023.

In the evening. Before dark.

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Ikoro Iyineleda

writer, intellectual, chartered accountant - in view, consultant psychiatrist - in view, professor in Psychiatry - in the making.