IBADAN, IKADAN: THE LAND OF ROTSENSE

NIGERIA, FRAUDURIA: A VILE AND ACCURSED NATION REARS UP TO ONCE AGAIN STRIKE AT IKORO IYINELEDA

While I was at the Obafemi Awolowo University in Ile-Ife, studying for my Post-Graduate Diploma in Financial Management, Nigerian students in the same department that I was in (post-graduate students also, even as I was) would go to meet my lecturers behind my back or even before me, and ask that the lecturer give me low grades — for no other reason but that the student was envying my academic ambition.

That I thought it fit and proper to enrol for a post-graduate programme was the reason — and no other! — for all the requests that came from students wishing my lecturers would either fail me or give me low grades.

Eventually, however — and despite all the wishes of all these envious adversaries of mine — I earned the highest grade in my class, at the end of that programme.

Again, once upon a time, some years back, I applied to the University of Central Lancashire to study for a Masters degree in Business Administration. I told nobody that I was writing that application, and I used no agency to apply.

And again, once again, vile and evil Nigerians — most especially from the vile, damned, and evil Ikadan that you all know as Ibadan — vile and evil Ikadan denizens gathered themselves together to strike at my academic ambition. They sent nude pictures of yours sincerely — pictures that I don’t even know how they came about, pictures that were gotten obviously due to the devious stalking of all my movements that has been going on in Nigeria for over two decades now — they sent nude pictures of yours truly to the University of Central Lancashire, that I might not be given an admission into its MBA programme.

Eventually, and again, The LORD was my stay. Once more, He was with me, and I was offered an admission into UCLan for that MBA programme. Although I could not accept the offer due to financial reasons, UCLan became one of over five universities that have offered me admission into MBA programmes — offers that I could not accept, however, once again due to financial reasons.

And now, once again, this year 2024, vile and evil Nigerians — once more most especially of the braindead denizens dwelling in Ibadan, be they male, be they female, be they Igbo, be they Yoruba, be they children even — these olodo denizens have gathered together to strike at my academic ambition. These evil people ever stalking all my movements in Ibadan — to the extent where all I have to do is step out of my house for a minute, and they will instantly sneak inside to see what else of my possessions they can plunder of me, and what else they can improve their own lives with via what they come across of my property; to the extent where even their maddened-by-the-lust-for-murder radio stations would gleefully announce on air that they have found out where it is of the eateries in Ikadan that I eat — these deviously evil people knew the instant that I sent an article to one of the journals of a foremost international university. I was given permission by the editor-in-chief of the journal to send the article in for consideration (not even for publication, yet) and an uproar instantly arose in vile and accursed Ikadan.

The accusers of the brethren met in seconds, and in an equally brief period of time decided what their next accusation would be.

The next accusation?

That I had used ChatGPT to write the article. That was the next accusation.

You see, the thing about this Ikadan people in particular, and these Fraudurians in general, is that they’re all so braindead, they believe all else can’t be but as braindead as they all are. That I was writing brilliant articles all over the world wide web for decades before the advent of ChatGPT is not worthy of consideration by illiterates like unto them. In fact, they even work so hard to destroy any name or reputation I can have of being brilliant and intelligent by destroying words of mine that I had placed on the internet. And that I now was sending another brilliant article into the coffers of this journal — where it would be safer than all those other articles of mine all over the world wide web that they have either plundered of me or destroyed?

Naw. I then must not be known as having authored the article. Even as illiterate nincompoops all the way from Ile-Ife will claim I authored none of the works that I have published all over the internet.

Naw. I must not be known as having written the article.

Or so these braindead olodos all thought.

But The LORD is my stay. And I know that even as I emerged tops at the Obafemi Awolowo University, despite all the obvious opposition; even as I gained admission into UCLan’s MBA programme, despite even more openly desperate opposition: even so will my article be accepted for publication, despite all the most desperate of all opposition.

— Ikoro Iyineleda; 2nd of July, 2024.